Thursday, July 14, 2011

Take it slow

All clear on the western front. I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night, and got up at a reasonable hour. Everything is fine. I spoke with Dr. Chavez this morning, and he said I should work on writing some personal stuff here as well as current events and things going on in the cuckoo's nest. So Ooooooh, infodump because I don't like retreading the past sometimes. Especially certain parts.

I'm not sure what he wants, but he seems to think that this blogging will help with my anxiety issues. (Fat lot of good that's done so far.) For the maybe three or four people reading this, yes, I'm a little cracked. If you know me and have read my earlier posts, you'd know that already. Generalized anxiety disorder and Social anxiety disorder are my major malfunctions, along with low self-esteem and lack of self-preservation at times. Oh, I'm not suicidal, not by a longshot. Not after making myself research the multitude of ways suicide attempts can go wrong and leave you far worse off than you ever thought about being in the first place. I've managed to make it this far though stubbornness and finding help when I needed it. Being the kid of someone with bi-polar, I've always been fairly aware of when something's up with my mental state.

As to family, the majority of the people who read this, being Tia and Marie, know what's up there. I was an only child, though my mother did get pregnant again. I was in high school at the time. After that, my parents got divorced. I haven't heard from dad in at least five years. I'm not sure why he refuses to contact me or return any attempts at contacting him, especially after the wreck. That's where we... I lost mom. Happy, Doc? You know I hate talking about that. So are you happy? Hm, progress?

Sorry. Sorry. Getting belligerent over the past on a stupid blog isn't going to help matters. I know I need to deal with things better and that bottling things up isn't going to help me in the long run. I do know that she wouldn't want me getting depressive again, anyway. Not after high school. I'm not going to talk about them much beyond this point, hopefully. Except for good things, if they apply to whatever I'm writing.

Anyway, the little house I've always lived in is where I am now, with Marie as a roomie currently. I work at a junk shop in town as well as some work from home to make ends meet. Not the most classy of lives, but I manage. I kind of have to.

I'm single. Completely and utterly single. I'm twenty-three and I've been on one date in my life. That ended with me trying to hide behind a book because I was simply that nervous.

Might seem a bit abrupt, but he was talking about it and I just figured I'd try to get this out while my head was clear and I wasn't trying to work on something else. I don't know why, but I've been completely ADD when it comes to projects recently. I do hope this post was personal enough for you, Doc. Because I broached a lot of subjects you know I don't like airing out, especially in public. Also, what if eventually I don't want this to be part of our stuff anymore? At that point, you'll stop reading, right?

On another note, I keep thinking I see Hoodie McStalkerpants again. That's it, I'm stocking up on some stuff this weekend, just in case.

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  1. So what's with the garbled mumbo jumbo at the end of that post?

    Sorry for your loss, of course, but, if there was more to be said, shouldn't you have said it?

  2. "
    I'm loathe to put anything directly regarding this om my blog for just anyone to see, but I think Marie may have screwed things up for me and herself big time. I'm not sure what her motives were for getting me to do this research for her, but I know by now that knowing is danger. And I refuse to pull Tia or anyone else into this if I can help it. I'm scared. I guess that's healthy, though. Means I'm not lost yet. I think part of the issue is that I'm even scared to try and find help, though. I know there are people out there who are dealing with this, who have managed to deal with this for a while. Of course I know that the outlook is bleak. I'm not stupid. Or at least not intentionally. I'll figure something out, I just need to work through this right now. I need to work through this and avoid the authorities in the area due to the missing kids. Getting involved with the Feds is not on my wishlist."