I got rid of some of the paintings today. Burned them in the little fire pit in the back yard. It was an oddly cathartic feeling, though I had to be careful of the fumes. They're a waste of space, anyway. Funny, that. A waste of space making things that waste space. Tia's not going to like that assertion. Marie's been spacing out worse today, but I've been talking to her and keeping an eye on her. I've been finding more little notes tucked around the house with ominous crypticness on them, but the scanner is acting up again, so I won't bother trying to post them at the moment. I will say this, though. I don't recognize the handwriting, and some of them seem fairly old.
It's been nice having Tia and Blake here, really. Even though it's someone else to worry about. I don't personally know Blake very well, but he seems nice enough. Yes, I'm "talking" like he or Tia might not read this, but I'm trying to be candid here. I may shy away from expressing things verbally at times, but this is where I'm trying to be more real. Oddly enough, I don't think either of them have been directly effected by this yet, even with having come down here. If they have, neither one is saying anything yet.
Hopelessness is an aspect of this situation that I've already started to feel. There's a sort of sense of inevitability at times, even when nothing big is happening. And now that I've said that, something big is likely to happen. That's the way these things seem to work. I've been working past that, of course, though there are very real legal issues with heading out of the area right now, considering our little group. And yes, I know there are ways to avoid some of the problems, but in the end, it would still look like abduction of a minor. With the few kids who have gone missing in the last few months, I really don't want it thought that I could have done those as well. If something happens, it's going to be my fault, either way.
I've been forcing myself to eat and stay rested, though half the time it's hard to keep things down. It's not as bad as before, but most foods taste like they're seriously burned or ashy. I know I look terrible, even though Tia's been mostly nice about it. It's funny, because isn't losing weight what every 20-something female wants? And I've even got a tall, pale, mysterious stalker. *swoon* Oh, and if you couldn't tell, that was full of tangible sarcasm.
I don't even know why I'm writing this anymore.