Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Black Dirt Will Stain Your Feet

It seems like everything's wrong in all the places we've been. I look back and I see fires and abandoned homes and homelessness and murders and random acts of violence. I not only see them, but I see that the rates have clearly... gone up. It makes one want to become an isolationist, because we're always infecting someone; we're always causing someone pain.

Maybe that's my problem; I look back at all. I see the change; I feel guilt. I don't feel it quite like Lis does, she's guilting constantly over Blake and I. I feel it for complete strangers.

Maybe this is the lesson Orpheus is meant to teach us. "Don't look back or you'll lose your most precious thing forever, instead of just for now." I've always been bad at learning that lesson. I can't help but blame myself. And I know I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't take it personally... but that woman... she was... right in front of me, and I couldn't do a thing. I couldn't do a thing but watch and then try to run, very inefficiently. How do I leave that in my past? How do I leave that woman's cry's for help... unanswered? In the back of my mind?

I've never been very good at putting myself first.

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