Saturday, October 29, 2011

Insomnia again

The most tender place in my heart is for strangers
I know it's unkind but my own blood is much too dangerous
Hangin' round the ceiling half the time
Hangin' round the ceiling half the time

Compared to some I've been around
But I really tried so hard
That echo chorus lied to me with its
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

I'm fine.
Really... I haven't really left my room much since the other day, and things are awkward between Tia and myself, but I'm fine. Yes, I took a risk, letting Michael in when I knew something was wrong. I seem to be slightly talented at that. Do I regret it? Maybe a little. Am I shaken? Maybe a little. After all, I let myself get drugged. Funny, that. But I'll be fine. I always am. I'll get past it. Because that's what I do. Every little break gets patched. It's just a matter of seeing if the whole is stronger or weaker after the mend.

Funny how I seem to be writing these posts at odder and odder hours. Comes from not sleeping much, I guess. I don't feel like dreaming right now. Not with what's been going on. I don't want it. I don't regret coming to Hope, though. It's nice here, even with everything. I've mostly been painting and watching movies on my laptop over the last few days, and I really don't mind that fact. I'm just... uncomfortable around people again. Which is sort of unfortunate, since I'd started to relax a bit. I'll deal.

And Michael, if you read this, I do forgive you. As I said. Because I can. Because it's honestly not worth holding it against you. It'd be completely stupid to get riled up over something happening to me, at this point. Even if it had been something else that had happened... It's not worth it. If I did, it would do more harm than good, in the long run. I'm not unaffected by this. I'm not completely numb, but I forgive you. I will never lie to you about the fact that I care, and I will try to be there for you as much as I can. We all have our problems. I'm sorry I couldn't do more.

We all have our problems.
I'm almost out of my meds. Just a few days worth left. This should be fun.

"Don't say goodbye. Because saying goodbye is leaving, and leaving is forgetting."


  1. Lissie. You and I are fine.

    You forgive so easily, but it's what makes you a good person. That's the person I call my best friend. I'm sorry I can't be as good as you.

  2. He's supposed to be coming back to day. I think he's doing better.

  3. Leaving isn't always forgetting, love.

    I hope to talk to ya soon.