If you're going through hell, just keep moving

 We've got a kid sleeping in out hotel bathtub. Well, not a kid, a teenager. Okay, let me backtrack a little bit.

We ended up heading southeast a bit, I think? Okay, I'm honestly so bad with directions. But that's beside the point. We were out shopping today, getting some groceries, essentials, mostly. Eating fast food can only go so far, especially with my making myself sick with stress half the time and Tia well, needing actual food. So we got food.

All nice and you know, not that strange. We were actually having a bit of fun, chatting, all that nice stuff. Things have been... nice between Tia and I recently. Yeah, nice. Hee. Umn, no creepy notes have been showing up, no anything. I've been reading through Marie's notes again, but that's stuff for another time. Anyway.

We were driving back to the hotel, and suddenly about halfway there, there's this... grayness. I mean, I feel sure the colors weren't actually bleeding away and fleeing from that... wrongness. From what I can tell, Tia didn't really see it that way. It's weird, how these things happen, it's like this warping of the fabric of things, the fleeing of normalcy. But yeah, that's when we heard it.

We followed the sounds, and there's this kid, curled up, praying, looking like shit at the end of the street. Things are eerily quiet other than that, empty. Hate it when things get like that. It's just wrong. Well, a lot of this is wrong, but back on the subject. Zie's just a-praying. And there He is, standing over the kid, all this rippling around Him, looking like a squid orgy, the sound of...tearing, and then gone. Like He was never there, the colors are back, the sounds after a few minutes. Well, other than the fact that we now have a really screwed-over teen on our hands.

We snagged zer and bolted for the car after checking for broken bones. It hurt thoguh, I could tell that much, considering the outright scream when we first touched zer. Surprisingly, there were none, just these... burns on the chest and back, fairly extensive. They're all black and gross, but I'm tending to them as best I can now that we're back at the hotel. I wanted to go to the hospital, but zie was vociferous about negating that idea. Zie calmed down quick enough, but there's this tenseness there, which is understandable, really. Two strange chicks pop out of nowhere. Got the kid to give me a name, at least. Kailin. That and the fact that I was apparently to use gender-neutral terms once zie noticed I was writing a bit.

Skinny, skinny kid, about fifteen or sixteen, if I had to guess, long black hair, darkish skin, big brown eyes. Obviously been on a good few miles of hard road. We got Kailin cleaned up and I've been tending to zer a bit. Talking a little, abut me and Tia... Talking to Tia.

She was slightly reluctant at first to pull Kailin into our little fold despite being concerned, but I'm not going to abandon zer, not like this, not in this state. So... She's trusting my judgement on this, though she says it's sort of probationary (I'm paraphrasing, but she cussed and I'm not in the mood to do that.)

We decided since it's a one-bed hotel room, once the tub was scrubbed out, that would most likely be better than the floor. I dragged my pillows out of the truck and into the room, and called for some extra blankets, and we padded the tub up into a pallet. So there we are at the moment. It's time to do what I can, at least.

Silence is the Loudest Noise

Everything is going to hell. We all know that. We've seen the blogs. Elaine's. Shaun's. Lucas and Joel's. Others. Some of those people, you know, don't even have lives anymore. Which, to say the least, is heavy. It's a lot to take in since I got back. And since Lissie got back. I was never as close to any of these people as she was... but she's very close to them.

So, you see, she's having a worse time of it than I am. I... understand. I feel bad, but... she's... Lissie's being Lissie. And panicking. And Tia's having the temper her. And make her take her meds.

"Quit trying to wallow in your pain. Just quit it. Everyone's lives are shit right now Lissie. Fine. I know... I know it hurts, but you need to survive. You need to do that for those people. And not taking your pain meds when you're in pain? Is not fucking surviving." And then Lissie mumbles excuses and then Tia insists further and Lissie makes faces.

She took them eventually.

I have to hear these interactions between this woman I love and her irrational, panicked best friend and I worry about the stress levels of these people and it's all wrong. And it's fucking loud. It's quiet now, in the literal sense of the word, but it's so fucking loud and I'm so tired and I can't...

I want to protect, I want to be there for her, but it's hard when she puts herself in this place where she sacrifices her own semblance of sanity for someone else. But that's what I love about her, you know? She's just that sort of person. She'll do that for certain people, take herself to the brink just to keep them from it.

Certain people.

I need more rest. I'm not all right yet. I'm trying. But I'm still vomiting and cold and tired and raw. It's hard to sleep at all. I'd like a little peace.

Sometimes I wonder if we'd never... but then again no. That's Tia. And I would've left her if I didn't love her for being her long ago. I'm sticking it out. I'm... We're. We're going to be just fine, isn't that right?

Lovely

Been puking all night, off and on. A lot of it's blood from my nose.  Wonderful. As I read more of what we've missed in the last week, I'm making myself sick again. Can't help anyone. Shep was right about that. I'm just a useless, pointless, worthless brat of a woman, who only makes matters worse. This is not self-pity. This is a statement of fact.Tia's not going to like seeing that when she wakes up. Oopsie.

We're staying in the truck tonight, and I can't really complain. At least that means We can get away from the smell of sick of need be. Things... I hate being on pain meds. I keep seeing things on the edge of my eyes. And unlike the lovely descriptions said by some, it's not Him. Or not just. Have to ignore it. Focus.

Blake's not dead. This is not me in denial. This is not me saying "if I say it enough times, maybe I'll believe it." He's not dead. But I can't. I can't let this be like Marie. I can't. I've never claimed to be able to help anyone, only claimed a want to do so. I know it's probably a pointless endeavor.

I refuse to stop caring, though. No matter what is tossed at me or us right now, I refuse.

twisting and turning and falling and burning. have to make things right. my fault.

Back

And I'm not feeling overly creative about titles right now. Mostly, I'm just tired.

I got to come back to Hope yesterday, and yes I was 'delivered' by the proper time. I have no idea why. I don't really remember all of what happened... And I've no idea why I was even held either. I really... there's not much to say about it.

There's this bruising on my back and Tia can't figure out what caused it, and we've discovered about 4 broken ribs which have only been aggravated by the vomiting I've been doing. My wrists are messed up. Tia thinks they're going to scar.

I remember zip ties being involved. And flashes of things. A concrete room somewhere, searing heat, the stench of sweat, a flash of clean-cut brown hair and a pair of glasses, a smooth voice that said things I don't remember. The things I recall are all disjointed. "You care - so silly - broken - won't you eat - damn fool - miss your Sparrow - Fine." Pain is the most prevalent memory. That's pretty much all I have. I don't know where I was or what he looked like or anything useful of the sort.

Maybe I shut down? Maybe that's why I got 'boring' for the Shepherd? I can't really tell you, to be honest.

What I do know is I'm back with Tia. And I'm able to sleep in a bed and eat properly - and that's even better when the food decides to actually stay down. I couldn't be more grateful. I'm going to take it easy for a while. Back to sleep with me.

Time to Vomit?

There isn't any.


Sweet mother of Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell just fell on my doorstep? What the hell just developed in this crazy life I share? What the fuck did we just invite into our small, travelling troupe? What. The. Fuck?


Maybe I should step back and tell a story here. If I could tell a complete story, I would. But I can't right now. I don't have all the motherfucking details. Here: I'll paint my half of the picture for you.


Lis has been insisting that Blake and I have some "us" time. We've all been in the same room for the past however long now and she's been feeling like she's imposing (she's not, but it's how she feels) so she insists she goes out alone and she insists that she'll be okay. It's only after she's completely convinced me she'll be okay that we let her go out and do her own thing. That was about 5 hours ago. She left, and on her end of the picture, I imagine she went to a quaint little cafe or quiet little bookstore or peaceful little deli. That's to her taste. I don't actually know because she's practically cata-fucking-tonic. But she'd enjoy that sort of thing, so that's what I imagine her intent was tonight.


On our end of the picture, we have a nice little romantic in the hotel picnic with candlelight and wine and cheap sushi we bought from the grocery, and we're happy for the moment if only because we're blissfully unaware. So things are turning into a nice night between Blake and I, and because we were assured that Lissie would be okay, we let go of the thoughts that might hold us back.


And let me be honest. We weren't holding back. It's been a long time. I'm sure you get the idea and I'm sure I don't need to go into detail. So here we are in the hotel room, highly distracted, when there's a loud THUMP at the door, and I can't be too sure it's our door, but it's a really loud thump. I'm not going to take any chances.


So I find the nearest shirt available, throw it on and open the door to find a slumped Lis falling against my bare legs. And she's bloody. She's bloody and I can barely hear her rasp an "I'm sorry," - that's so Lis - apologizing when she's bleeding out on the floor. Well, there goes us time. I'm not even thinking about it when I'm dragging Lis into the bathroom and fetching the first aid/sewing kit. Nope. I see a nice gash there on her rib cage, right side, nice and deep. It's not bleeding too bad at this point, but my guess is because she doesn't have much blood left in her.


Clean cloth for the wound? Check. Have Blake run for ice for numbing? Check (even if she's not responding to much anyway). Foreign materials removed from the wound? My least favorite part, and check. Sanitized needles? Check. Thread? Check. 14 stitches later the wound looks pretty clean. Daddy taught me well. With Blake's help we manage to get her into her bed and between the two of us we get some fluid in her. It's easier said then done. And now we can only hope she wakes up.


A note for when Lis wakes up, because she's going to wake up: make sure the girl eats more (and keeps more down). She's even skinnier shirtless than I thought she'd be. It's worrisome.


On another note, it seems that Crispy will no longer be an issue, view Case 1C. Apparently we're not a threat. That's a good sign. For now, I'll take it. I figured Crispy was the culprit, but I wasn't exactly thinking about it when I was stitching Lis up. I don't like this road we're on. Not one bloody bit.

I did actually use a vehicle to my advantage against some hoodie-clad zombie-esque mofos in a parking lot who were getting a little too personal with the girls. I'd do it again too.

Nothing was stolen. But losses in groceries were taken. Who the fuck jumps people at a 2 pm grocery run on a Friday afternoon? Who does that shit? People with no sense of criminal sense, that's who. I'm mostly perturbed by the fact that they didn't have the sense to wait until after dark than anything else.

I suppose that comes from city living; people get jumped all the time, it happens. That doesn't bug me. That they did it in the middle of the day? Totally irksome.


Also, driving 100 mph for about 10 hours straight will give you cramps, but get you far, far away.

We had some blue honda on the same stretch of highway for the first 6 hours of driving behind us, or occassionally in front of us. Before I started this madhouse roadtrip, I would've thought nothing of it. After this crazy road trip? I'm suspicious. We were going 100+, who the fuck keeps with that speed? So I took a random exit, drove like mad through some city's streets and lost them near the hotel heavy area, and then navigated back to the highway. I haven't seen the car since. I did have good sense enough to have Tia take down it's plates. They were CA plates.

I'm not sure if the sign of home is comforting or not.

Chapstick, Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry

Things to not say while Running.
"What could go wrong?" Everything can go wrong.
"Things are looking good." Without appending "for the moment".
"Lookit what I can do!" Self-explanatory.
"Gun it."
"Let's go walk in the moonlight. It'll be romantic."

We went for a grocery run today, and of course, it went right sideways. Tia and I got jumped in the parking lot by some jerks in hoodies.  Elaine, August, Spencer, there may be a delay on those scarves. I may have left my crochet hook sticking out of someone's face.

I'm a bit concussed and scraped up, among other things, but nothing that's not livable.  Tia dealt with things rather a bit better, and Blake may have hit one of them with the Explorer when he came to pick us up from where he'd been parked. Oopsie.  I'm not sure how things are going at the moment, but I've cleaned and dealt with any other injuries. Talked them out of taking me to the ER unless I start acting really off. If one of the others wants to be more talkative about what happened, they can. Worst part... My eggs got smashed, so I can't fix what I wanted. We're driving again anyway. Heh.

It's funny, in a sad way...  I'm seeing so much more than I ever have, and so much more clearly. I've been a lucky, lucky girl, no matter what incidents have befallen me, they're not worth anyone's worry or stress. I just wish... I wish I could do more.

There are locks on the doors
 And chains stretched across all the entries to the inside
 There's a gate and a fence
 And bars to protect from only God knows what lurks outside

Less something

Okay, sorry about that post earlier, not that anyone noticed other than Tia. I passed out again about ten minutes after posting it, anyway.

Marie's been found, a few hours ago, and it looks bad on all fronts. She was found in the woods about a mile or two away from my house, and isn't in good condition. A quick run-down, from what I've managed to get from her parents and from just listening. Funny how someone with purple hair can go unnoticed sometimes, and I'm good at listening. Also, nurses are gossips. Anyway, before I get distracted: She's in a DKA-induced coma (guessed as much... I guess it's better that dead from it), which is likely compounded by a depressed cranial fracture, there's some damage to the orbit of the left eye, a spiral fracture to the humerus of the left arm, as well as other damage to the arm that I haven't heard the extent of. There's apparently some damage to her ribs, and the lumbar portion of her spine is screwed to hell and back.

Her parents are oddly quiet about this whole thing, though they did visit me and let me know she was found and everything. I don't know what to think. I should be out of the hospital tomorrow, once they're done with the run of antibiotics they have me on. If they don't decide to think I did this. It's not like they can do much about the ribs other than give me pain meds, which I already had anyway, and there's no damage other than some general... offness from the concussion. The stitches I can deal with myself, probably.

I'm pissed, to say the least. Pissed and depressed, and I fucked up. I fucked up. I was supposed to keep her safe and keep an eye on her. I'm leaving this here because if I get any more upset, someone's going to come check on me. Not that it really matters, anyway.