Monday, November 28, 2011

Silence is the Loudest Noise

Everything is going to hell. We all know that. We've seen the blogs. Elaine's. Shaun's. Lucas and Joel's. Others. Some of those people, you know, don't even have lives anymore. Which, to say the least, is heavy. It's a lot to take in since I got back. And since Lissie got back. I was never as close to any of these people as she was... but she's very close to them.

So, you see, she's having a worse time of it than I am. I... understand. I feel bad, but... she's... Lissie's being Lissie. And panicking. And Tia's having the temper her. And make her take her meds.

"Quit trying to wallow in your pain. Just quit it. Everyone's lives are shit right now Lissie. Fine. I know... I know it hurts, but you need to survive. You need to do that for those people. And not taking your pain meds when you're in pain? Is not fucking surviving." And then Lissie mumbles excuses and then Tia insists further and Lissie makes faces.

She took them eventually.

I have to hear these interactions between this woman I love and her irrational, panicked best friend and I worry about the stress levels of these people and it's all wrong. And it's fucking loud. It's quiet now, in the literal sense of the word, but it's so fucking loud and I'm so tired and I can't...

I want to protect, I want to be there for her, but it's hard when she puts herself in this place where she sacrifices her own semblance of sanity for someone else. But that's what I love about her, you know? She's just that sort of person. She'll do that for certain people, take herself to the brink just to keep them from it.

Certain people.

I need more rest. I'm not all right yet. I'm trying. But I'm still vomiting and cold and tired and raw. It's hard to sleep at all. I'd like a little peace.

Sometimes I wonder if we'd never... but then again no. That's Tia. And I would've left her if I didn't love her for being her long ago. I'm sticking it out. I'm... We're. We're going to be just fine, isn't that right?


  1. I think you guys will be just fine. I just think that you 3 are going to make it out as these. And in regards to you and Tia as a relationship. You guess will hold up.

  2. I find the persistence in lying to oneself as well as to other generally tends to be indicative of a much larger problem Mr. Faust.

  3. Deny deny deny. Hope for the worst thing you can think of, then prepare for something ten times worse than that. Anything else is asking for it.

  4. Oh dear. You really shouldn't be making him question himself so much right now. Can't you see how hard he's fighting? Oh dear, maybe you don't. But people, please, hope is the last thing Blakey Boy should be giving up right now.

  5. There's a difference between hoping and not giving up. You guys have a responsibility to keep trying and to not quit. So keep doing your best, ok? You've made it this far, haven't you?

  6. I wish you had gotten the chance for peace. For some kind of break from the issues. But then again.. even when not being supernaturally influenced, people need that. Maybe it would have helped? I don't know.