The Iron Rose

Insularity is something that's becoming far too easy to fall into for us these days. With Tia closing herself off more, to most people, and Kailin just being Kailin. Jared's pretty outgoing, but I think he's a bit guarded for his own reasons. Understandably. There are still a few people keeping us from this, and I'm glad of that.

I got another email the other day asking why we bother Running. Honestly, I'm the most to blame for that. Among other reasons, like not wanting to lie down and die. I have to consider how long we're in one location before people start to notice that things aren't quite... right. How long will it take before something chips through their self-absorption or whatever else is holding their attention and they start to pay attention to the weird little group staying it room-number whatever-the-heck? Start to notice the graffiti that got painted over the other day, the figures skulking in every shadow, the chalk-scratchings on the sidewalk?

Some people compare being Stalked to being like a transmittable disease. I don't necessarily consider it that way, but I have to wonder. If that's true, we've been traveling, off and on, for a good while now. What is our footprint of spread? How many people have been drawn into things that might not have, if we hadn't been in a certain place at a certain time? How many weights should be on my conscience, if only I knew of them?

Is it so surprising then, that I choose to generally not make extra money by selling paintings? Especially some of them... I've done in excess of a hundred paintings that have not been posted, and never will be posted, because they have been disposed of. Egocentric? Maybe, but there are some things I'd prefer not to take chances on. Things people weren't meant to see. So, as I've said, I get rid of them. For my own mental well-being.

What little there is left of it, anyway.

We're still making do with things. Jared's still in the doghouse a bit. Is that selfish of me? Maybe a little. I've forgiven him, but it's been almost six years since I saw him last. Since we saw him last. We've all changed in that time. Maybe we don't have the time to dance around things, but getting to know eachother again is proving interesting. He actually got Tia to smile the other day.

That's a rare sight, these days. She rarely smiles at most people recently, at least in any real way. Tia's always had anger issues, even when we were teenagers. That's part of why there was such a negative reaction from us when someone told her in the comments to someone telling her to let that become a weapon.

To let something like anger control you is just like anything else that you allow to cloud judgement. Lashing out like a wounded, trapped animal is not acceptable, no matter how likely a reaction it is at times these days. We are not animals. And to allow our situation to attempt to form us into anything of the sort... I don't know. I wish it were so simple.

It's hard to see the light try to fade from people as you struggle to stoke that fire. Not just our little group, but those beyond it. To not merely survive, but to live.

Sleep is for the weak and tired

I never knew where he went or how his afternoons were spent.
He said he had to slay a dragon, kill a giant, fix a wagon.
Wage a war, feed the world, and stamp out sin.
In the daytime he was never in.

Thank you for you input, Jared. Utterly.

Honestly, I almost find it a little amusing how each of us deals with our not wanting to sleep much. I nap. Little cat-naps every so often. Too long and you start to dream too much. Tia, she just keeps going until she utterly crashes. Usually a few days before having to sleep for most of a day, too exhausted to do anything else. Kailin? I actually haven't seen zer sleep much in general. At least not soundly. Jared... I haven't picked up on his patterns yet. Erratic behavior.

Not exactly healthy. We try to get enough rest, though. Enough so that if something happens, we can at least make an attempt at dealing with it.

It's been weird, getting used to having Jared around again. The last time I saw him was on that day in January, six years ago. When he made me promise to look after Marie. By that point, I already thought of her like the little sister I'd never have. And yes, maybe it's cruel of me to blame him for that. Wrong to blame him for being caught up in all of this. For getting me caught up in this.

It's not fair to him.

I know that. He was seventeen at the time. Most people don't exactly have the very best decision-making skills as a teenager. Especially Jared.

We met through Doctor Chavez. Well, at his office. And as I've said, we made friends. Amusingly, yes, there almost was something between us, but well. I was fourteen at the time when we first met. It wasn't long after certain incidents... We would have been bad for each other, and we knew it. So we decided to be friends.

Honestly, we didn't see much of each other in school. Jared... He was the class clown, to fall back on high school archetypes. I was me. Until Tia moved into town, he was one of the few friends I had at school, even if he was more the popular type. Unlike Tia, however, his tactics for helping me usually involved distracting whoever was messing with me at the time. Unless things got too bad.

Unfortunately, we didn't have too many classes together.

The thing that bothers me the most is that his parents  told us that he committed suicide a few days after I spoke with him that day in January. That he'd shot himself. The funeral was closed-casket. But obviously... Obviously he's still alive and kicking.

Why would they cover that up? Heck, how would they cover that up?

I feel sure he knows at least a bit, but I'm not sure if we'll ever know all the details, with his parents and Marie now dead. my fault

As a closing note, with a little help, we've found someone for Tia to see. The kid's got a few connections, apparently. I'm painting still. Also, that girl's back. As are other... oddness. Guess things are getting back to "normal".

Another note

Hey, babes.


It's been pretty damn interesting, talking to the girls again for the first time in ever. Lis snuck a kick to my shin once Tia let her free the other night.  Now, was that really fucking called for, sweetheart?


Probably.


I have to say, I was right about one thing. Lis cares too damn much, sometimes. Not gonna say that's always a bad thing, but when you're crying over what some asshole you've never met or talked to's bitch-fit of a blog post, it gets a little silly. Makes me want to wring his neck, which is idiotic in its own right.

Yeah, I called you silly, babe. Got an issue with it? Let's go, then. Right, anyway.  Gotta be like a duck. Let the shit slide off your back. Duck in a rainstorm. Remember that, sweetie. Because it's a big-ass storm and we're just little things walking against the wind.

Tia... Tia's numb and angry.  Understandably. But we've been talking a bit. "Oh? You hit things? I hit things. Okay, let's be bros again." Heavy paraphrasing there. Of course it wasn't that simple. She's in a freaking territorial mood, even though she's the one who let me in the hotel room in the first place. Makes a lot of sense, babe.


Kailin, well now. First of all, no matter what zie says, I'm not wanting to tap that, no matter how nice you can look. Just clearing that up from the post zie did at the hospital. Not my type, anyway. You're a little too young for me, kid. Unless, well...


Someone asked me what I've been up to, in that lat post's comments section. That ever-so-lovely-and-endearing Miss Amy.  Now note, darling that I did not explicitly make any "demands". That would just be unpersonable of me. I was just meeting up with a few old school chums who are in a rough spot and needed some help. Yeah?

Yeah. 


As to what I've been doing, I guess the easiest thing would be to say traveling. Since "glorified hobo" doesn't fit your needs. I'm pretty good at fitting people's needs, though. When I have to. 


Honestly, running is less the way to describe what I've done. What people are really doing, when it's from something that can find you with whatever passes for a thought for it. It's better that waiting around with your thumb up your ass once you realize there's more out there, though.  Well, I suppose people do run from the servitors thralls, pawns, proxies, whatever they call themselves at any given time.


I'm not sure what would have happened If what happened to me if I had stayed home after I heard them talking that time. After seeing the void and it seeing me. If what happened with Marie is any clue, maybe I wasn't quite a target. At least not by mister squid-orgy in a three piece suit. Or maybe I was. Maybe it's cat and mouse and I was just a bargaining chip that went missing.


Bargaining is bullshit.


But that's beside the point. What matters is the here and now, right? Exactly.  Happy May Day, kids.


Peace out, Girl Scouts.

Good evening, sweethearts

Hey there, kids and kidettes. 


Right, you don't know me, do you? Well, it doesn't really matter, I guess. You know the chicas on this blog, so that counts for something. Those anonymous emails Lis was getting were coming from somewhere, though.


...


Okay, I was rudely interrupted there. Seriously, who's been teaching the shrimp to ... Right. Tia.  Fuckin' hot. Self-defense training, getting all sweaty and close together. Yum.


I mean, there's nothing like the thrill of an "ex" tackling you on a bed and shoving a gun up under your chin, amirite? Phoowee... Never expected little Miss Lissie to get a temper. Ain't that Tia's job or something? I mean, not that it's not nice to see, her acting all fiery. 


Tia had to drag her off of me. Now, I know it's kind of hard to resist sometimes, but that's no way to treat an old friend, is it? Especially one who's been sticking his neck out to drop some ideas in these pretty ladies' path.  Yeah, that was me. Whoop-de-shit. 


Right. A name. Names are kind of important, I guess. Jared's the name, and (insert cliche here) is the game. I'm just a drifter. A glorified hobo and someone who knows these chicas a bit. Hi. 


Lis is just a-fucking-fussing now. Quietly. I swear, I don't think the woman ever raises her voice. Even when she's saying she'll never forgive someone and so on. She'll forgive me. She always does. Tia's dealing with her right now, and I'm getting the stare-down from the kid. Nice to see him... her... Um. Yeah, anyway. Again.

Glad they managed to use the diversion to get out of the hospital when they did, anyway.  Yeah, hi... I'm the one that talked to the kidlet in the caf. Oooh~ Shocking, I know. Yeah, shit's been going down for a while.

Hi there, Sheppy, you sheep-fucking darling, did you miss me? I know you did, baby.

Peace out, Girl Scouts. 

Continuation

And I demand
 You put my heart back in my hand
 And wipe it clean
 From the mess you made of me
 And I require
 You make me free from this desire
 And when you leave, I'd better be the innocent
I used to be

The world is full of poets
We don't need anymore
 The world is full of singers
 We don't need anymore
 The world is full of lovers
 We don't need anymore

Something I've been working on.

I Don't Think You All Quite Understood Me

I said these women are optimistic and saccharine. I meant... exactly that. They were expecting things to go wrong, I don't think they were expecting things to go this wrong. Or if they had accounted for this margin of error... then they were expecting to get out of it. To get lucky.

We don't get lucky in this little world of ours.

We just don't. We get the odds stacked against us and have to make due with that. We have to deal with tumbling issues and dying friends and aching deep sadnesses as we watch them fade into their end. As we contemplate if we caused this, if it's all our fault. (What am I saying? It's always my fault.)

Tia's still not talking. She's sad and scared and a little broken. I, personally, think we need to stop to visit a spirit healer on our way out and while Lis is up for anything and everything, Tia's a skeptic. It's also too fresh to heal. She wants to feel the ache more. But if anything, I know that we need to heal quickly or shit will never get done.

Experience is a bitch. Then you die?

Is that even a remotely appropriate statement?

I think I'm just going to go... I've got more to say... but not right now. Not at all right now.

All That's Left is Rage

Realizing I shouldn't be out in public.
I'm not fit for it.
I don't socialize well right now.
I'm not people friendly. I'm too busy yelling at the idiots.
I shouldn't be driving either.
Everything's a blur and I'm just so...
So...
So... pissed off.
The fucker took my baby girl.
The fucker took her.