Okey-dokey, then. - Marie

I have an account now, I guess.

Apparently, with someone posting in the comments anonymously, she thinks it'd be better if she can keep track of my stuff on the blog better.

Something like that.

I'll be glad when Tia gets here, to be completely honest.

Partially because things are worse than Elisa's been letting on.

As I said before, she's been trying not to let it show how much things are getting to her.

She threw out her red paint because she said it smelled like old blood.

Admittedly, it smelled really off.

She hasn't gone to work at the thrift store since she called in the other day.

And she's not eating.

She says that she just feels sick every time she gets food in her stomach.

I'm not letting her hide when her anxiety gets the better of her, though.

She's trying to be strong, and maybe in all the wrong ways, because it's just going to eat away at her.

This is dumb.

Tia will be able to talk to her better about these things than I will, once she's done wondering if Elisa's off her rocker more than usual.

Which she could be just a bit, considering what's going on.

We've decided to stay away from may parents place right now.

It's weird, because they knew something was up with Jared, but it's been six years since he died, and there's been nothing around the house since then.

-Marie

Dreams

I dreamed of the fire from back when I was a kid, last night. I wasn't even conscious, so how can I remember it? I didn't, until now. And that's the truth of it. I just had a full-sensory dream of a fire, at least. Not ours. Ours was caught. I'm like a walking cliche,  mentioning childhood fires, but some things are adding up. Damn. The official reason was lightning and only the attic got taken out, though.


I woke up about an hour and a half ago, half strangled, with Marie in a tizz. Apparently I'd clawed the facemask off in my sleep again, reopening the scratches from last time and causing the strangling sensation. Next time something like that happens, WAKE ME UP, Marie. On the plus side, I'm not having a breakdown like last time, though I've been crying off and on for no definable reason since I woke up. I guess that's a good thing?

I saw someone outside just a moment ago, but I'm not going to bother speculating as to who at the moment. I imagine Crispy will be back at some point with backup... I'm honestly surprised there hasn't been taunting and junk already. Isn't that how these things go? All sarcasm aside, yeah, I'm freaked out, I'm terrified... I can't even begin to describe how some of these things are getting to me, but I'm not sure why parts of what's going on are just making me more... stubborn, I guess is the right word.

I give up on trying to hide how I'm feeling, but I'll be working against those feelings as much as I can.

I'm just an Art College drop-out. Why? I've been alone other than Marie for two years now. I'm tired.

interesting post name here

I now have purple hair, a mag-lite and a soldering iron on me at all times, and the new Dresden Files book.  The first and last parts are solely to keep my spirits and mood up, but that counts for something, I suppose. I've been helping Marie get things ready for school, though who knows how that's going to go at this point.

If whoever spray painted that stupid symbol on the driveway is reading this, I'm not amused, and it's been mostly removed already. Ha. If it's Crispy, then just leave me alone, thanks. I hope your burns fester.

My arm is healing up well, which is a good thing, considering the pains I've been taking to keep it clean and closed. Butterfly strips are your friends, kids. I'm not sure why, but I've been painting a lot recently, and not all of it is related to the current situation, though I do find myself painting forest scenes more often than not. Most of them don't have a certain figure sneaking into them or weird symbols beyond the usual, though. Most of them.  Weird thing is, I had to throw out my red paint today. The color had dulled to a darker shade and it was smelling really... off. I don' want to say what the smell reminded me of, but let's just say it wasn't pleasant. Not sure how that happened.

Marie bullied me into contacting another person who is dealing with stuff as well, and I finally gave in. Unfortunately, she's been taken by someone recently and I'm not sure what her current status is. Whether you want them or not, I'm tossing at least thoughts in your direction, Elaine.

Marie's been cutting occasionally still, but at least she's letting me tend to them and keep from getting them infected. She knows I don't approve of it on any level, but at least they're shallow and being kept clean. She's taken to locking herself in the spare bedroom for the better half of the day and then coming out and sticking close to me for the rest of the time. I'm worried about you, Marie. But then, I worry about everyone. What is the world but a vicious, tangled knot of interconnected lives and worries?

Edit: Tia, when you read this, call me.

Heh

At this rate, Doc Chavez might suggest I get sent away again. I really hope not, even though it was partially my own choice the first time. It won't help matters. Making plans. Someone's been in the house other than Marie while I was gone. She says she didn't see anyone, but there's a few bits of evidence that something's even less right than usual.

No new injuries or anything, but... Ugh. Sick as a dog. As unfortunate as that phrasing is to me. I nearly got... mugged coming out of work today. I got to the car before they got to me, though. I think I saw Crispy. I'm going to call in sick to the store tomorrow.

Some wishful thinking.

"To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another." ~Katherine Paterson, Jacob Have I Loved

I need help.

Talking

A normal day, as they go right now.

When I got home from work today, Marie and I talked a bit, going over the research and information-gathering she'd roped me into doing. She had this to say about my earlier outright denial of our current circumstances. "Things like that don't happen here? Just like this isn't the kind of town where tornadoes hit high schools and destroy the school and student body" ... I couldn't argue that. I just couldn't. I graduated the year before that incident and was off at college when that happened, but I can't argue that it wasn't a catastrophic event that nobody saw coming in a town like this. Terrible things do happen, even in places like this. It was a bit blunt of her to put it that way, but it did knock a little sense into me.

I guess you just never want to believe it could or would happen. Denial doesn't help anyone, though.

She still won't tell me exactly why she wanted me to find these things out for her, but I have my suspicions, especially considering the fact that the conversation once again turned to her brother. Tangents are always fun. She misses him still. Marie was  eleven when Jared went missing. I know I call her a kid a bit too often, but in a way, I still sometimes see her as one. Mostly because we've become so close since I moved back into town. It's almost like having a sibling, I guess. A skinny, black-haired, taller than me sibling.

Marie gets this look in her eyes every time her brother comes up in conversations, though. Like something inside of her is being worn away. She thinks her parents could have done more to try and find him, and maybe they could have. It's been over five years and there's been no sign or word from him. I don't think he's listed in any Missing Persons database, though I could be wrong... It just feels at times like his parents are trying to forget about him.

Maybe they're deeper in denial than I am.

Girly's been saying some weird stuff recently, though. When we were talking about Jared, she said something about him "sacrificing everything". Maybe she knows more than she says about what happened. And yes, I know she's going to read this, but honestly, this is important as well as the information gathering and "learning from others".

I went through the envelope the Crispy Critter left on my porch, and there's a few things in there. I'm working on piecing together one of the pieces of paper, which was ripped up. the other is just a bit, um, creepy. It looks like a drawing done in crayon by a kid with the words "WHY IS MOMMY CRYING?" on it. I'll try to fiddle with the scanner and get it posted later.

They're out there. I know it mostly because someone followed me to work today. I know car-fu, buddy. And mine is bigger than yours. Vehicle that is. I don't have one of -those-. Um, anyway. /bravado

She thinks she's protecting me, you know.
 Me and Tia and her therapist and everyone.
Protecting us by hiding how this is really effecting her in her jumbly ciphers and her trying to keep Tia away.
 She's crying again in the other room, though.
She's trying to protect us, but right now, she can't even handle herself.
Not with putting so much responsibility that nobody is aiming at her on herself.
She thinks I don't hear when she cries and is freaked out by what's going on.
I do...
And I understand, kind of.
He's coming, anyway.
He's outside again right now.
Not doing anything...
Just watching.
And waiting.
From what I remember, He...
It.
The Amazing Mr. Tentacle.
Whatever, is good at waiting. 
I think that it's almost worse than if he was doing something.
I'm scared.
Terrfied.
I hate to admit it, since I'm supposed to be all teenagery and bravado-filled, but I remember how Jared was before he disappeared.
They never found the body.
We're not going to be able to pull this off, and Lis is too much of a loon to reach out to any of the others who could help.
She's almost as scared of those being pursued as she is of those pursuing.
I'm holding her here.
Holding her back from running.
I'm already sick.
I was born sick.
I almost wish she would just leave me, but I know she's not going to.
I'm scared of what will happen if she does.
-Marie

P.S. Sorry I posted on you blog, Lis, but you left it up.
And I didn't even curse any.
Remind me to get more insulin from the parentals soon.
I know you're not going to be mad at me for posting this.
You're going to be disappointed, which is much worse.
Tonight is a night where things are happening, though.
Bad things.
Just like every other night, right?

Silence

It's been mostly quiet today other than a few things seem from the corners of eyes and a rather weird incident at work involving one of my coworkers insisting on calling me by the wrong name no matter how much I corrected him. I haven't had that problem with this guy before now.

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