Amusing... heh.

Elisa, Elisa, Elisa.

What interesting taste you have in... bedfellows.

Hee.

You really do have slightly atrocious luck.

One's gone, one's your friend, and now you've been drugged  by dear... Nemo... Michael... Heh, does the name quite matter at this point?
Probably does, but I honestly couldn't care less at the moment.

I imagine you were completely sweet up to the last second before you swooned away in his arms.

Or did he let you fall on the floor?

I'm sort of hoping he did.
It would just be the topper on this.

It's funny, funny business.

You care and love, or claim to, even when you don't completely trust.

Or did you trust?

Oh, that would be delicious.

He used you, Elisa.
Played your emotions.

But then, you're used to unreturned emotions, aren't you?

You knew something, though.

You knew things were "wrong", and yet you just stood there and hugged him or something, didn't you?

Idiot.

They're going to pity you, of course.

A pathetic fool who got herself drugged for her troubles.

Worthless.

Alone, even with them around you.

Numb.

Mine, anyway.
Somehow.

Learning

It's been an interesting few days, I suppose. Tia already linked to what happened with Michael, of course. I've been painting a bit again.  Got rid of the one I finished, though.... Cut it up and burned it in the back yard. Funny how I feel the need to ruin the outcome of fifteen hours or more locked away in my room. Somethings just don't need to be seen, though.

Now that my side's better, I've started working on self-defense with Tia a bit again. It's nice, and I'm picking things up reasonably. It's just a matter of getting past certain other issues.

Speaking of issues, I should really try to be a bit more social around here, but to be honest, being around this many people at once can make me nervous.

Glitz and Glam

Blake and I got to have a fancy, lovely, quality time sort of date tonight. It was rather sweet, actually. We got to go into the city to see Wicked, and it was really quite the production, nothing short of what I expected. I could do a whole review of the, but if you wanted one of those, you'd go to a review site or search up the theatre and figure it out from there.

I got to dress up in a pretty gown with some slink to it and Blake was all fancied up in suit and tie. There was dinner at a high-class Italian restaurant and just simple conversation and romance. It's been a long, long time since we were able to have time like that.

Elaine gave us the tickets his opportunity, and I'm all manner of grateful. I haven't felt so peaceful in a long, long time. Hope has been good for me. No, Hope's been good for us, let's not make this all about me. Elaine decided to start holding sparring sessions in the evenings before dinner, so that's going to be good for me, no need to fall out of practice after all. And it's a different sort of socializing. I pair off with her almost decently when it comes to barehanded fights.

There was an incident here at Hope the other day. Yes, I suppose I did lug around a Skin-and-Bones sort of boy. For now, it's been taken care of and I suppose he's come a bit out of it. That's for the better.

On a slightly more positive note, I've started a garden here at Hope. Something to give back for all the positive there's been here. I'm keeping my hands busy in our down time. I'm not about to complain though: downtime is a good thing.

Reflections

A mirror, once cracked, will always be at least slightly marred, even if you glue it back together. This is a truth I've seen to be true on many occasions, both in a literal and metaphorical sense. However, is the image reflected within it made better or worse for its distortion? To change the metaphor, can all breaks heal if tended properly? It's a silly question to be pondering this early in the morning, I guess. I can't really sleep right now, though. It's just funny being around people who see me as having worth, I suppose. Among other things. I'll shut up on that train of thought before someone jumps down my throat, though.

Things have been interesting at Hope. I've found that it's funny how something that is probably so very normal to many people is, to me, the most surreal and confusing turn of events since this whole thing really started a few months ago. Well, I guess that's an inaccurate timeline, unless I say "started in a larger-scale way for me on a personal level, if dreams are just dreams." Hmn, I think that made sense... Anyway, yes. Confusing, flustering, and surreal. I find that to be an apt description.

Other than that, I've been watching people a lot here. It's quite nerve-wracking to be around so many people at times, but kind of interesting. I've seen the expected wariness, some not quite expected nervousness, comfort, mischief, affection, and more. It's interesting to see various facets of people in person that you can't quite grasp on a whole through text. People... People scare me, confuse me at times, and make me nervous, but they're really kind of interesting to me. It's almost funny, the level of normalcy there is here between people.

I have to wonder about things people don't say, of course, but everyone has secrets. Except for me, right. Heh. Tia, Blake and I are going shopping later in the day, which should be nice. It's starting to get a bit chilly at night, and I'm admittedly a wimp when it comes to cold weather. Comes from living in Southern Alabama all my life. I've seen snow in real life all of twice, and it's a bit silly. We're not sure if or when we're going to move on, but it'll be nice to have some warmer clothes other than my coat. And hey, clothes that haven't been mended multiple times and aren't covered with paint may be a good thing.

Homesick

It's almost unreal how normal life is right now. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining.

There were video games with some of the other guys here, not to mention the dinner Tia made, which was awesome. She was singing today while she did things about the room. It's good to hear her sing again. Means she's content. She had a rough night of it last night though. Nightmares is my suspicion. She just couldn't settle right for sleep. Seems like it's settled now though. Which is more than a good thing.

Tia makes me think of home, and how I miss it. How I miss my family. How close I used to be to them. We used to have barbecues almost every other Saturday and there would be sports watching and video games and other such things. They were good times. Tia treats me right, asked me to bring home pork chops so I could have a taste of that home I miss today.

I'm not about to start regretting though. I'm still happy with Tia. I just wish we could visit home again, but that's a bad idea and everyone involved knows it. So we'll let baseball games go unwatched in the family environment and let them keep on thinking I'm on a happy road trip for this long while. Maybe when things calm down, but... that's unlikely to happen.

A Taste of Normalcy

Lissie and I went into town today - for the first time in months we had some quality, just us time. She is my longest friend you know, it's not as though that comes without any bonding time. I did miss Lissie time when I was living in California, you know it's not the same with phone calls and skype chats.


So we went out to eat at a fanciful restaurant with menus that had no prices on the listings and spoiled ourselves silly. We even dared to eat dessert. It was a bold night for us, but that butterscotch cheesecake was beyond worth it. So were the ribs. I have no regrets, even if my wallet does.


Then we hung out in a cafe until closing and just people watched for a couple hours. There was this mother and daughter pair and the girl was still in her softball cleats and she was all manner of sort of adorable. Sometimes I feel like such a freakin' breeder. I'm okay with that most days. Other days the idea of smallish me-spawn is terrifying.


And we talked about everything. It's been such a long time since we've gone from a topic like the best flavor whipped cream to politics to relationships and feelings. It was good to get things out and in the open, including the scarier bits of our situation. She's better at all the understanding bits about Him, I've never been the best at research, but she is. Thank heavens for that, because otherwise I'm sure we'd all be dead.


Yay for not being dead and still being able to joke about blueberry flavored punch or gingerbread houses or Sir Boll Weevil and his trusty sidekick the Dustbunny.

Arrival

Well, we got to Hope okay today, around two or three in the afternoon. It was nice to finally meet Elaine in person, with as much as we've been talking. Of course, I got wrangled into not helping with any of the bags, but I'm honestly trying to behave well enough. We also met Lucas and Josh in passing, and they seem really nice. If I can get up the nerve to talk to them. I'll have to ask them their favorite colors if I do. I'm in a crocheting mood... Well, to be honest, I'm just in a generally restless mood. I'm usually a better injured person than this. Usually.

Although, it's the saddest, funniest thing. We nearly forgot that today is Tia's birthday! Blake, of course remembered. Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks? But seriously, man. Good on you. It's been hectic recently. Anyway, we ended up getting set up in our rooms. (It's kind of nice to have a room of my own again) A litte while later, Tia, Blake, Elaine and I took over the kitchen to make a delicious cake, no lie.

There was much silliness to be had, and to be quite honest, despite the things going on in my head still and the stitches, this is the best I've felt in weeks. I can only hope for the best right now.